I launched a crowdfunding campaign via RocketHub (similar to Kickstarter) to raise a few thousand dollars for the project, and ended up raising $3725 in less than a month. This was in the early days of crowdfunding, and yes, even for a short film that’s a very modest budget, but hitting that mark was one of the first truly humbling experiences of my life. To be honest, at the time I felt undeserving of that kind of generosity, and I was blown away.
I’m grateful for all who contributed, and all who got involved in this project! That will never change, and I don’t want the tone of this story to negate that.
That said, I simply had no idea the scope of what I was getting myself into. It didn’t take long to realize that this project was severely under-resourced. I raised that money to cover a music license, a lens, and incidental expenses I knew would be associated with the production (like gas & props), but I had no clue that that was merely a fraction of what it would take to complete this film.
Accidentally A Decade in the Making
This all coincided with the launch of my production company, PIXELtechnics. Thanks in large part to a Vimeo Staff Pick award, the response to (270) impressed upon me that I might actually have the chops to do this stuff for a living, and finally be able to leave my job selling cameras at Best Buy. And so, I did. Soon after this project launched, I also met a girl who’d soon become my wife. In short, my life changed directions in a number of ways in a short period of time. As life evolved, and as I tried to grind out a new career, this passion project quickly became a side project that I’d take off the shelf & tinker with every six months or so, and in the end, it took me over a decade to get it to a point where I was okay with calling it done.
Ten freaking Years. I’m gritting my teeth as I type this. This thing was wrapped around my ankles for ten years, and I assure you that was not the intention when I started it. Maybe I’ll feel different in the coming weeks or months after releasing Sons Rising, but as of now, if you ask me how I’d do this over if I had the chance, my answer is, I wouldn’t. By the time I got a full understanding of the scope of this project, I’d already raised money from people who were expecting me to finish it at some point. I had a sense of debt to them that never quite went away. I did, from time to time, take on other quick, creative projects to experiment & keep me limber, but I never fully gave myself to another project, because I knew I’d have to wrap Sons first. In this way, Sons Rising became a burden. An anchor, something holding me back. And so the passion I once had for this project was zapped.
Throughout those ten years, I also grew as a professional & developed my craft. You’d hope for that, but when you’re eight or nine years in, and you look at stuff you shot in year one or two of the project, all you see is what you should have done differently. I’d go into a shoot planning to capture only one shot, when instead, I should have been capturing the scene four or five different ways, to give myself options in the edit. I shot in bad lighting, when I should have taken five or ten more minutes to light the scene better. I decided against taking 23 seconds to remove a distracting sign or bucket from the background, because I felt rushed. I ended up filming three childbirths (including our son’s), and still ended up having to stage another. And when capturing that one, I forgot to record the audio! These are actual mistakes I made that, years later, I felt stuck with. Some of this material, I shot over, but a lot of it I either resolved to work with in the edit, or cut altogether.
All told, I captured 101 micro scenes™ for this film. Most of those scenes had to be casted (which is an undertaking in itself), needed to have a shooting location, had to be booked in a way that worked with my schedule, the actor’s (and sometimes their parent’s) schedule, and the host’s schedule. None of these people were ever getting paid, so expecting them to move things around for this project wouldn’t have been rational. For that reason, I also planned for these shoots to be quick. I’d have to go into it knowing the shots I need & how I’m going to capture them (and early on, I wasn’t good at this). I was almost always flying solo, with nobody to help with lighting, audio or release forms, and sometimes it was a lot to manage. A lot of this was expected, but I really had no idea the toll that pre-production would take on me for all these micro scenes. Casting, location scouting, and scheduling are all beasts. I didn’t have actors audition for their parts (as it would be cruel to have them audition for parts that would only get them 1-3 seconds on screen & wouldn’t pay), but the casting calls & correspondence with willing actors was a true time-suck, on my end & theirs. And oftentimes we had to drive an hour in rush hour traffic, to get to location to make these shoots happen. When you consider all of this, you might come to understand how $3725 for a music license, a lens & some gas wouldn’t come close to cutting it. On top of gear, how about hiring a producer? A casting director & a location scout? A production assistant from time to time? A DP on occasion? How about paying some of the actors so you can reasonably expect more of their time? I haven’t run the numbers, but this would have shot the budget up well over $50K. Also consider that I had to generate business & earn money for, you know, life. Taking sufficient time to coordinate all of this for the film adds up to a real opportunity cost. So, a lot of the time, I couldn’t justify taking Sons Rising back off the shelf to work on it. That, in large part, is why it took a decade to complete.
I got tired of people asking. I got tired of having to explain why it’s taking so long. But some of these people donated to the film, so I felt they deserved not to be blown off. After all, none of these people were asking to badger me. They were just curious.
What I Wanted to Accomplish with Sons Rising
The idea for the film came late one night, listening to music in bed. There was a song I came across, the RAC remix of Boy by Ra Ra Riot, that flooded my brain with a rapid montage of images that told the story of the male experience. My motivation, at the time, was to share that little movie playing in my mind. For guys, I wanted it to be a relatable & nostalgic experience. I wanted them to get a sense that moments from their own lives were flashing before their eyes. Like, I remember finally standing up to that bully. I remember the first time I kissed that girl. I remember racing my buddies after I got my driver’s license. For gals, I just wanted it to be an honest & riveting insight into malehood (as if they don’t get enough of that already).
Years into the project, I realized a couple things.
One. There isn’t actually a lot I can depict on camera in a matter of seconds that’s totally unique to the male experience. Yes, guys tend to be more likely to play with toy guns, get into fist fights, play certain sports, work manual labor jobs & feel pressure to achieve financially. But we all know of women who have also experienced these things, and we also know of men who haven’t. So in the end, aside from things like a baby boy peeing straight into the air when his diaper’s getting changed, or a grown man shaving the stubble off his face, this film largely plays off of stereotypes or convention.
Two. Aside from maybe (hopefully) being entertaining, this film doesn’t really serve the audience. I’ve gotten to a point where entertaining viewers & bringing attention to myself as a filmmaker doesn’t really move the needle for me. I now want to make something meaningful, that will help people. I’d like people to walk away having learned something, having been challenged or having been spurred on toward growth. If they walk away thinking ‘Hey, that was cool’, or walk away having been made to feel some type of way for a few minutes, that’s nice. But if that’s where it stops, then, like cotton candy, this film is ultimately fluff, and it’s disposable.
My only hope, at this point, is that Sons Rising does entertain you & make you feel something. Maybe you like cotton candy. I enjoy it, from time to time (metaphorically). If that’s the case, and you enjoyed Sons Rising, I’m truly glad. But I’m moving on to make things that have more meaning than that. Either that, or something that will give people the gift of laughter.
What I Learned
Over the course of this project, I learned that filmmaking is truly a collaborative effort, and that’s the way it should be. Don’t let ego or insecurity get in the way of that.
I learned what it means to be a producer, and realized I actually don’t enjoy that role. However, through experience on corporate & commercial projects, I learned that a good producer makes things happen & is worth their weight in gold.
I learned that I’m not actually a great cinematographer, and I’m okay with that. There are a lot of people who are, and they’re freaking awesome to work with!
I learned that color grading is kind of challenging for me, and I’m okay with that. There are a lot of people who are great colorists, and I’d like to work with them!
I learned that directing actors is a discipline in itself, and you really have to trust & believe in them instead of micro-managing every microscopic thing they do.
I learned that it’s not actually a good situation to be in where people are volunteering their time & talents for free. Always be grateful if they are, but understand that in some ways, you’ll probably (rightfully) get what you paid for. If you can find a way to compensate them, do it. And even still, be grateful.
I learned not be a prisoner of the moment & let the status of a side project define you as a person. At times, I believed that the slow progress on Sons Rising was seen as a reflection of poor character, and it honestly made me feel like a failure, or a fraud as a creative. But in reality, oftentimes I was prioritizing my career, marriage & family, friendships, and preserving my mental health. Yes, there were months in there where I could have eked out one or two more Sons Rising shoots. But in my heart, I knew the project was a work in progress, and that I would, eventually, finish it. I really had to let go of my concern for what a few people might be thinking of me.
I learned that if you’re going to do something, spend the time, energy & money to do it right. If you don’t, you’ll regret it later when you have to live with those poor decisions.
I learned that substance trumps style. Early on, I just wanted to showcase my style of filmmaking, and now I just see that as hollow.
Boyhood
I’ve been asked about this a few times. Sons Rising is in no way inspired by Richard Linklater’s 2014 feature film Boyhood. The similarities in the premises of the two films is just a coincidence. Now that I’m done with Sons, I look forward to watching Boyhood for the first time. I do, after all, love Dazed & Confused, and enjoyed School of Rock.
Thank You
I really want to make a point of expressing appreciation to the 39 people who donated to this project. You rocked my world when you did that, and your generosity & vote of confidence was truly humbling. Thank you for your patience. I also want to thank all the actors who volunteered their time & talent for some podunk, no-budget short film that, as far as they knew, might never end up being anything. Same goes for the parents as well. Thanks to the people who opened up their homes or places of business for us to film in. Thanks to Paul for your narration. Without your voice guiding the audience, half of them probably would’ve gotten lost. And of course, thanks to my wife, Nicole. The only person who’s really known what this project has been to me. I’m grateful for your support & understanding. We no longer have to write “finish Sons Rising” as one of our yearly goals!
